Happy doughnut daze

The first love was the chocolate French cruller from Alfonso's Pastry Shoppe, better known to cinephiles as Alfonso's Bakery and Scungilli in the Rodney Dangerfield classic “Easy Money.” The French cruller, for all you slobs out there, is not like your standard cruller, which is dense and cake-y (like so many of us). The French cruller is prerry much the opposite, airy and kind of chewy and gooey inside. That is, when it is done well. When a French cruller is executed poorly, the world becomes a lesser place.

My dad would bring home French crullers and crumb buns from Alfonso's after he went to church Sunday morning. This usually wasn't until late in the morning or early afternoon, so sometimes he missed out on the crullers. I don't know why he even bothered to come home on such days, but he did and I admire him for his bravery.

Actually, the times when he came home with just one French cruller were almost worse than returning with none at all. Because then, it was a fight for the French cruller or, God forbid, splitting it. And sometimes there was a vanilla French cruller in lieu of the chocolate. The horror!

Regardless of how many French crullers came home on Sunday, they were a distant memory by Monday morning. But often arriving to fill that hole (is that a pun, and, if so, was it intended?) during the week was the Entenmann's chocolate doughnut (or occasionally the variety pack, but this was one case where variety was not the spice of life). My dad generally bought these for himself, but I'm pretty sure I was legally required to have at least two from the box. If you are a lawyer specializing in doughnut matters, feel free to correct me.

Truth be told, I did not love the Entenmann's chocolate doughnut. I mean, I would eat it (again, strictly to fulfill my legal duty), but if we're gonna have Entenmann's, give me the marshmallow iced devil's food cake any time. I'll accept the banana crumb cake too. Or the chocolate chip cookies.

Still, the Entenmann's chocolate doughnut is an important part of my doughnut history. And, yes, as a matter of fact, I am proud to have a doughnut history. I am perhaps a little less proud to give a Dunkin donut (ooh, that spelling of the word really gets my fritters in a twist) a place in that history too. But despite my present-day disdain for the too sweet, too airy alleged treats Dunkin foists on the masses, it would be dishonest of me to deny the marble frosted a place in my doughnut history. I consumed an awful lot of those in my youth, and the sight of a coupon for a discount on a dozen doughnuts (not going to use that other spelling more than once!) was the cause of much joy in my formative years. And such coupons were a large reason why that form was rotund.

But this was not a great concern at the time. The greatest concern was that at least two doughnuts in that box better be marble frosted. The rest of the box was pretty much up for grabs (chocolate glazed would be nice, and maybe a blueberry cake), but a double shot of marble frosted was a must.

As time rolled on, I discovered the vast, glorious world beyond Dunkin and Krispy Kreme, which is also no good, and please don't tell me “But you’ve got to have them when they're fresh out of the oven!” I have had them fresh out of the oven. And I understand the radical concept of food being better when it is fresh. But the doughnuts still aren't good.

But I am not here on this National Doughnut day to dwell on such negativity. Rather, I am here to celebrate the doughnut world outside of the chains, the vast gluttonous landscape of fried deliciousness that spreads across our nation. And, so with a hat tip to the French crullers, chocolate doughnuts, and marble frosteds that have brought me to where I am today, which is probably closer to the grave than if I hadn't developed a fondness for doughnuts, I present to you some of the doughnuts I have happily consumed since last National Doughnut Day. Try them for yourself if you can. And go hug a baker today.

Coconut pandan, Supermoon Bakehouse, NYC

Supermoon is regularly putting out some of the best baked goods I have ever had, and this one is right up there. Did I know what pandan was before I ate this? No. Do I still have to Google “pandan” today? Yes, I do (from The Food Network: “milky with whiffs of vanilla and hazelnut, pandan has a delightfully toasty flavor”). Coconut sold me; pandan took it over the top. I don't know if/when they will make this one again (their menu changes every two weeks, though there are some perennials), but we will be that much closer to peace on earth when they do.

Dandelion chocolate, Holey Grail Donuts, Larchmont, CA

The good Lord has given us no greater thrill than stumbling upon a fantastic doughnut shop on a rambling walk from your hotel. And so it was when walking to Amoeba Records in Hollywood from my hotel that God provided me with Holey Grail Donuts in Larchmont. Yes, they spell the word the wrong way, but this is the only strike against them (and the only reason I don't put them above Sidecar Doughnuts in LA as my current top doughnut shop). The doughnuts (I will not stop fighting this fight!) are made of taro and, as I do with pandan, I frequently have to look that up (you do it yourself this time). I just know this doughnut, a collaboration with San Francisco's Dandelion Chocolate and containing no actual dandelion (to the best of my knowledge), was delicious, as were the other doughnuts I ate from there over the course of my time in Los Angeles. How many? Too many? We'll never know.

Frannoli, Frangelli's, Philadelphia, PA

A perennial favorite and never a disappointment. I go to Frangelli's for chocolate star cookies at Christmas time, but I cannot leave without this delightful treat pairing a doughnut with near-perfect cannoli cream. I guess it is what they are best known for, but everything I have had from this South Philly bakery is top notch. My other top doughnut place in Philly (Beiler's) is conveniently located near the train, but Frangelli's is slightly off the beaten path. But I gladly beat my way there anyway.

Triple coconut, Glaze Donuts, New Milford, NJ

When generations hence ask “James, what do you remember most about the terrible pandemic the world endured?” I will say “Why, the long walks to go buy doughnuts, of course!” These words will come out of a body full of mountains of fat and clogged arteries, but they will come out nevertheless and will be true. The first Glaze outpost I walked to was the one in Fort Lee, but when things opened up a bit, that led me to take the train to the original Glaze in New Milford, which I returned to last year to consume this heavenly pile of coconut. The combination of the words “triple'“ and “coconut” brings real joy to my heart, as did this doughnut, consumed on a day where I and the woman bearing witness to my body’s descent into madness ate burgers at White Manna in Hackensack, had ice cream at the then soon-to-close Bischoff's on Teaneck, and then proceeded to Glaze. We survived. I think it was the triple coconut that carried me through.

Chocolate sheet cake, The Salty, Tampa, FL

I am not the guy to turn to if you want to hear nice things about the state of Florida, but I must admit I've had some good doughnuts there. I first had doughnuts from The Salty in Miami in 2022, so when I returned to Florida as an attendee of 90s Con in Tampa, I was delighted to see thst I had arrived in town just as the new Tampa location was opening. With most of my day consumed by waiting on lines to take photos with people as important to my youth as the marble frosted, I missed my window for doughnuts my first day in town but did not miss on the day of my departure. I Lyfted from my hotel to The Salty, got my doughnuts, Lyfted back to the hotel, ate two, crammed another into my carry-on, checked out of my hotel, and headed to the airport. Do I deserve a medal? Obviously, yes. But my reward is the doughnuts themselves, and this one, despite its carry-on damage, was fantastic. This is near the top of the all-time best doughnuts. Maybe someday I'll compose such a list. Well, I almost certainly will for myself. Whether i share it with you depends on your behavior.

Berry Springer, Cafe Racer, Athens, GA

Cafe Racer is Holey Grail's main competition for Rookie of the Year. Or maybe Rookie of the Year goes by calendar year, meaning Holey Grail wins for 2023 and Cafe Racer leads the 2024 race. We'll sort this out. In the meantime, I will say the potato-based doughnuts I had at Cafe Racer on the way out of Athens were spectacular. The pistachio was really good, but this one, stuffed with berry cheesecake filling and rolled in sugar, was maybe a tick better. I had heard of potato doughnuts before and figured they would be good. But not this good. I consumed a lot of calories, pethaps too many, in Georgia, but these were my favorite.

Tiramisu, La Beignerie, Montreal, QC

Just for kicks, here's an international entry for this year. It is not my first international doughnut (that honor goes to someplace in Toronto; I'll have to check the notes), but it was a very good one. Tiramisu things that aren't actually tiramisu are often disappointing (my God, what a masculine thing to write!) but not this little guy. I put great thought into where to go for doughnuts in Montreal, and may the success of this mission give hope to all you thinkers out there. And may we all recognize on this National Doughnut Day that there are great doughnuts beyond our nation's borders and that they deserve consumption just as much as our hometown crews.

S’mores, The Doughnut Project, NYC

I must end here on a sad note, with the closing of my favorite local doughnut purveyor, The Doughnut Project, earlier this year. It was TDP that really pushed my doughnut love to new heights when it opened last decade. I'm not sure when I had my first doughnut there, after their everything bagel doughnut became a viral sensation, and I could not begin to guess how many of their doughnuts I consumed since that first day. But I know I liked a whole lot of them. And I know I was once featured on their Instagram, a true shining moment in my life. And I know that I still have two of their glazed doughnuts in my freezer because I am not ready to let go.

This S'mores doughnut and those glazed doughnuts (there were six at one point) were purchased on the Friday before TDP closed. In a short period of time, one of my favorite pizza places (Santillo's in Elizabeth, NJ) went on fire and TDP announced it was closing. I was in a bad way. But I made those last few weeks count, and this S’mores doughnut, which I was not expecting to love because I’m not that into S’mores, was the last TDP home run I got to experience. It was perfect. The woman behind TDP, Leslie Polizzotto, is now working on a doughnut cookbook (willing to taste-test!), and I am happy for her. But sad to not be able to walk down Morton Street and grab a doughnut.

Speaking of the pandemic (remember when I did that a little bit ago?), The Doughnut Project was the first place I went to when I felt mildly safe enough to venture onto public transportation in spring 2020. I plotted it out like a military operation, wound up being the only person in the train car on the way back, and felt OK during a time when that feeling was hard to come by. Thanks for that, TDP, and thanks to all the doughnut makers who have made me feel OK over the years.

Happy National Doughnut Day to all!